Today, I chose to explore this restaurant that comes highly recommended.. The reviews were great but Le de de, La da da I honestly was just really looking to chill over a decent meal & a nice ‘lone bottle of wine… but if the first glass of wine was complimentary & a classic almond croissant was served while the food was taking forever? Vyne could learn a little patience lol!
Earlier, I had read Mike Cernovich’s post “Seek small victories because winning is a habit” and in the spirit of inclusivity, I was here, on my second glass of wine to celebrate moving on from a toxic relationship…but as told by Ginger, We’re all mortal until the 3rd glass of wine…
So I’ll bring you up to speed.
A lot of March was me dealing with a shit ton of emotional stress & this really awesome guy that I just couldn’t be done with (Dear, Vagina!).. so naturally, the universe had me going from “I’m done with this shit” to “I want him back“… But in less that 2weeks!!!, I was done with a relationship that meant everything to me!!!
How did that happen?
A lot of these relationship experts release a lot of garbage into the creative consciousness of lovers in distress & they tell you things that ONLY look good on paper! Shit that NEVER works in real life.
I remember reading the entire internet one Thursday (lmaoo! #DontJudgeMe) one of the posts said “destroy all fond memories”… (in form of pictures, gifts etc), “practice cold turkey” (no calling, no texting, ignore him) I just felt like all of this was a whole lot of bullshit. I think the whole idea is counterproductive!
You know what I realized? Your brain registers the amount of effort you put into forgetting something and it does the opposite…it’s like forcing yourself to remember the title of a book you read, the more you try to remember it, the more it eludes you. Get? And if you just chill out… The book title might just pop in from no-where!!
The first thing I did was this… I accepted the situation for what it was, not what I wanted it be! I decided to lose the fear of being without him or needing him…I woke up and told myself things like.. “If I saw him with some chic I would be totally Ok…” (He’s not mine, he’s not some form of possession that someone can take from me… He is a man who is capable of making decisions for himself; either to stay or move on & such decisions can’t be made for anyone & as much as it hurt, I had absolutely no right to be upset)…
I forced myself to face head—on some uncomfortable situations that sort of reminded me of him and instead of feeling upset, I felt like we both had done our best and it just wasn’t meant to work. I actually started meeting new people and never for once compared them to him…
I didn’t heal at once! This had been an on & off relationship and it was just really taking me a while to get over it..
I would wake up on some days and miss the fuck out of him, the conversations, the sex… & I didn’t stop myself from feeling that way… (I felt like I had the right to feel however I wanted to) But I also told myself “Girrrrllll you will be fine! You’ve survived worse!”.
I had realistic expectations…. I honestly wasn’t in a hurry to wake up & feel good instantly. If I needed 3yrs to feel good inside then that was my target… I wasn’t trying to move on from one situationship to another… It works for some, but not for me. At this point, I started feeling like I needed to live for me, make money for me, build something from the ground-up, travel the world.. Any form of emotional or physical involvement wasn’t in the closest future…
Instead of stalking his Instagram, Facebook (Ew! who still uses this btw?) , Twitter… I started blogging, started actively plunging myself into new opportunities, I filled that space and the idea of him with something meaningful and I started feeling OK…. The idea was to do something new each day and to do it for the right reasons… For ME!
That to me was the END of that chapter because i like to keep what’s mine as MINE & since I had accepted he wasn’t mine anymore, I no longer felt the need to protect the “territory”…. There was no territory.. I was ok with him exploring & quite frankly, I needed something brand new too… Not a man, not a casual fling… A new book, new ideas, new opportunities, new views, new circle of friends who understood that play time was over. At 20-something, it’s easier to chase a relationship at the expense of a career; personal growth & wholeness.
” I care more about my relationship with my inner being than anything else. If I’m not in alignment with myself, I have nothing to offer anyone.”
So here’s what I’d say, moving on is the fucking easiest thing to do when you accept that it just didn’t work out & you both did your best. That guy you’re dying for, 90% of the time doesn’t give a flying fuck where the funeral is at… Crying doesn’t fix anything & mind games only make it harder to move on, no need to play the blame game, no need to pick one innocent guy & ruin his outlook on love and life by messing with him just to get back at the person who hurt you (NO NEED!), All you can do is wish him/her well & just BE!!!.
Nothing is yours that walks away! NOTHING!!! A genuinely happy life is the ultimate revenge.. (-: